Wednesday, February 20, 2013

A very serious debate on evolution...

My fellow travelers on this celestial Mary Go Round, greetings from the Preaching Monkey,

The big question which is annoying me today...and will annoy you too, if you don't stop reading this blog right now and do something productive, is ...why did we even bother about this whole "lets evolve" business ? was it worth it ? and if not, what can we do about it ???

Evolution is funny business. We were a bunch of happy, self sufficient ,tree dwelling, free loving, hairy apes peacefully minding our own business.Then one day the Big Guy in the sky, after a million or so years of watching us being self sufficient..and swinging from trees..and being hairy..and being free loving ,got bored. I would not fault him though, because how many of us can go on watching National Geographic for a couple of million years without getting sick of it and wanting to switch channels to HBO ? So The Big Guy clicked on the update icon on his screen and evolution (version. 1.1) started. ( BTW.. i have a strong suspicion that he was using an Apple platform as it has been a couple of million years and we are still evolving,no other software takes as long to update)

So, the question of why did we get involved with this evolution business is answered. We didn't have a choice.It was a " take it or leave it " sort of a deal. Our primal cousins, the Neanderthals ,chose the "leave it " part and then realized , too late, that God was a serious Godfather fan and he was making them "an offer they couldn't refuse ". So Neanderthals no longer grace the blue green sphere we like to call earth, with a possible exception of middle America , where they drive gas guzzling trucks , have red necks , love their guns and Jack Daniels ..hate anyone not white..and are not really known for their love for pure mathematics.

So , like it or not,evolution happened. Gone are the days when you spent your day hanging upside down on your tail from your favorite tree , worrying about nothing , had a lot of friends at hand to scratch your back and pick your lice .Now we are a bunch of unhappy, machine dependent, concrete dwelling , and "honey ,i have a headache today " chanting ,considerably less hairy apes (exception alert : Anil Kapoor ), who spend their days running after deadlines , their imaginary tails between their legs and the best they can hope for from their friends is a few likes on their copied and pasted FB statuses. Only bright part is that there is considerably less lice..driven away from the once densely covered forests of your scalp, due to stress and pollution induced deforestation.

So was it worth it ?

Apologists of evolution would say yes. They say we are a much more intelligent life form now. They say we are better off ,as now we have Walmart ,Facebook and Heinz Tomato Ketchup . I would say that the jury is still out on that intelligent bit.Wikipedia defines intelligence as, the wisdom or the ability of an organism or entity to act with appropriate judgement. Going by this definition, a race which spends most of its scarce resources on killing each other ,poisoning their rivers and eating artery choking McDonald burgers ,simply cannot be accused of using appropriate judgement or being burdened with wisdom. So we are not better off and no sir, it was not worth it.

Now the big question..what can we do, to set right this historical or rather prehistorical wrong ??

Most of us, at the first instance, fatalists as we are, would say .. there's nothing much we can do about it. Some of us , or rather most of us , being mortally afraid of the Big Guy ,would not want to interfere with Divine entertainment .But my friends all is not lost. There is still hope.The revolution against evolution has quietly begun and has been going strong for some time now. Why do you think Gangnam Style became so popular? It was nothing but a tool to arouse the subconscious , hidden, pre-evolution ape instincts in us.Look around you, and you will see signs everywhere. Look at Afghanistan, where Taliban had been making slow but steady progress towards stone age, and i am happy to report that now with the help of our American friends, many of them residual Neanderthals mentioned above, the progress is not slow anymore.Copy the same for Iraq.

 The best thing about pre- evolution life was its sheer simplicity. This was made possible by the uncomplicated wiring of the brain. Evolution ruined it all, and the human brain became highly complex. This is being taken care of. Facebook, Whatsapp, Twilight Saga and Angry birds are just a few weapons in the battle against the polluting grey matter corrupting the simple banana loving ape brains. The revolutionaries are among us. They are unsung heroes who design new mind numbing apps for your phones.They are those who like your silly pouting pics on social media , encouraging you to spend more time there.They are the people who write pointlessly silly blogs like the one you are reading, to waste your time and brains.Its only a matter of time. Hang on my fellow apes. We will bring those golden days back.

So dear fellow slightly evolved monkeys , Preaching Monkey is signing off....and will be back ,no matter how hard you pray for him not to.


  1. Replies
    1. thanx manav...for pestering me endlessly to be creative.. love you bro..

  2. Loved it.. Keep them coming

  3. Count me in the re-evolutanory, return to the aping age, monkey brigade. Come to think of it, is not being ' one up on the Johnes' a part of the same syndrome ?

    1. Preaching monkey respects your revolutionary zeal. And yes it is a part of the same syndrome.Why do you think copying the guy next door ,and getting the same 112 inch flat screen after getting it financed by mortgaging your kidneys , is called "aping".