Thursday, February 21, 2013

The big Alien question...a serious debate

Greetings my dear fellow bipods,

I hope my last post, instilled the spirit of revolution in you, the chrono deficient, fur less,fun less,instant noodle consuming masses.Those still in doubt can go out and swing from the nearest tree to get a feel of the things to come.

And now get ready for today's dose of annoyance...

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us."
Bill Watterson

Is there anybody out there...Are we alone in this universe ???

 We have all asked these questions to ourselves...and we have asked these questions to ourselves in Morgan Freeman's voice. (In fact, Noah took the.." whole earth's gonna flood" thing with a pinch of salt till God did his best Morgan Freeman impersonation. And then he took it very seriously and took all known animals on one hell of a cruise.). But did we ever get a conclusive answer ??? I don't think so.

The problem is that, most of us either do not possess the advanced circuitry needed to ponder on such questions (Honey, is Magenta better or peach ??? situation ) or we are afraid to answer (honey , do i look fat in this ??? situation.). I really cant find a fault with both sets of losers though..trying to answer in the first scenario will give you at best ,an headache and at worst, a stroke..and in the second..what if you answered with a NO and the aliens go out of their way to prove their existence by abducting you.

But still, the question needs to be pondered upon. To just sit back and decide , without any deliberation , that we are alone in this universe...and that the God created the universe only to be an exclusive playground for earthlings would be the ultimate act of arrogance. It would be something like all those germs thinking that they own your loo.Well, they don't ...or at least i hope so.

So lets talk about aliens...

Conditioned ,mentally,as we are by watching endless Hollywood alien flicks ,we envisage our encounter  with extra terrestrial life,if it ever happens, to be either in the form of a cute , green, stranded ,in distress, very friendly, refrigerator raiding, ET sort of a being...or totally ruthless, blood drinking, flesh eating, resource hungry, Death Ray firing (with a fetish for destroying landmarks all over the world, especially those in Washington,DC ), colonizing, egg laying,totally badass monsters like the ones in Independence Day.
I think Hollywood is wrong on both counts.

I mean, a life form which has the ability to overcome the problem of transporting itself over a couple of dozen light years ( those of us who have tried to overcome the problem of transporting ourselves over a couple of hundred miles by trying to book a tatkaal ticket on IRCTC,will certainly appreciate the enormity of the problem ) , will not be a helpless ,slow creature who will waste time playing ball with kids,,,or making their bicycles fly. Even if stranded, he will go to Nokia and sell them some alien tech , buy a villa in Hawaii and wait for extraction ,in style,sipping pina colada. And Nokia may start selling some phones again.

Same applies to the supposed and imaginary.. " we want to colonize this planet for its resources , and bar-be-cue humans as a bonus" school of alien thought.Any advanced and intelligent extraterrestrial civilization will not traverse light years to come and colonize a planet which is scarce in everything ,which has already been screwed by pollution and overpopulation ,and which has a highly belligerent ape as the dominant species ,which loves war and killing, and would not mind a bout or two with them, Death ray be damned. No sir, i don't think so.I think they will use their awesome technology to solve their resource problems , without risking a fight with us apes or look somewhere closer home and friendlier.(would you rather buy a banana off the shelf in the neighborhood supermarket, or would you go into the gorilla territory to snatch one off a wannabe King Kong ??  ).

There is another school of thought.. popularized by the MIB franchise ...that the aliens are already here.. hidden among us. Certain awesome and extremely talented people like Bappi Lahiri , George Bush and yours truly have always been suspected of being from the Andromeda galaxy.But this idea has been milked dry and done to death by the same MIB franchise, so i will rather not delve into this.

So , even after tapping, undeniably and unquestionably  the best single source of all modern human knowledge, Hollywood, the question remains unanswered.

Are they out there ??

Personally i think they are, but i don't think they will ever oblige us by flying by in big  saucers with multicolored blinking lights.( No, the Chinese are NOT selling them stuff.). I think they have been here already. Long ago.

As one of the few surviving fans of Erich Von Daniken and his cult book Chariots of Gods, i fully and firmly subscribe to the view that , we, the earthlings, are an experiment started by alien visitors in pre historical times. These alien visitors have stayed on in our collective memory and we call them ...well.. you guessed it...God.

They introduced random lifeforms ...embedded them with evolutionary blueprint, called DNA ..microwaved some popcorn ..and started observing us.They published papers on the developments. Made some adjustments , here and know..making a couple of non promising subjects extinct ( hey guys, these dino things have been there for too long..lets bump them off and throw in that two legged thingy , the one with opposable thumbs, as the dominant species..yeah .that would be fun. ). So the experiment continued.

Then something bad happened.

Those unfortunate friends who are in the field of any scientific research will vouch for the fact that the logical conclusion of any long term scientific pursuit , depends on a single overwhelmingly important factor.This factor is not the talent of those involved ...nor is it the equipment ..its not even the subject of the experiment. It is the mood and the whim of the bureaucrat who controls the funds.

So ,one fine day...or whatever they call the period of one rotation of the planet that the Gods live on, some senior  babu wanted to visit the neighboring galaxy to study the management of black holes. problem...and soon the Gods were informed..with regret ..that due severe budget constraints their project grant is being withdrawn. And the rest, as they famously say, is history.

So poor semi evolved homo sapiens.. were left to their own devices..and they have conducted themselves, as a cage full of unsupervised monkeys, naturally would. And the Gods are nowhere to be seen.( they probably chucked the research field and went into real estate, i mean some of their agents are still busy selling us slots in heaven  ).

too bad for us......

So my fellow banana munching primates...see you again..hopefully soon.

Preaching Monkey.


  1. I chckd many videos on on youtube rgrdng dis.....n i was 99% satisfied...dat aliens do exist.....

    1. The Preaching monkey is also sure that our intergalactic cousins exists....the human race has barely explored the solar system...and to conclude that we are alone in the universe would be like taking a walk around your block , and not finding any Eskimos, and concluding that the Eskimos do not exist....

  2. There is the String Theory...which attracts my attention today. Intergalactic is passe..

    1. The Preaching Monkey give a damn for string or rope or whatever is Megan Fox which attracts his attention..and you sir be ready, for the aliens are really annoyed with you and are debating upon what to do with you after abducting you..and the current favorites are root canal and very afraid..


    2. The en passant swipe at NOKIA, the bureaucracy, God(god?) and the preaching fraternity is really superb. And the theory of God(Gods?) being the original aliens interesting( re Mahabarat). Would probably explain why India has more than its fair share of Gods.