Tuesday, February 19, 2013

The Happy Debate....

Greetings , my fellow apes.

We live in a world that is becoming increasingly complex. The problems that have plagued the human race since time immemorial ..like war, disease, hunger...have not been solved and civilization is being threatened by  newer problems and threats like Facebook and Justin Bieber. We are not happy...not content..and nobody burps after lunch anymore.

Happiness ...that elusive mermaid...lost in the sea of life.. needs to be lured , caught and put in the personal fish tank of your mind. The world is full of preachers/teachers/trainers/motivators/postmen/bartenders who are willing to tell you how to do it.The world is full of attentive people who are willing to listen to these preacher/teachers/trainers/motivators/postmen/bartenders and to try and practice what they say. But is the world a happier place ???

No..the sad reality is that , despite a hell lot of people telling you how to be happy, and despite millions of people sharing those pics on FB that are supposed to make random little boys in Africa happy..the world is still a sorry dark sad place and you are, for the most part of your life, gloomy like a whale relocated to Sahara..(Sahara as in the Sahara desert, not one of those, on the margins of the town, townships built by M/s Subroto Roy and Sons,in which case the whale will not only be gloomy, but also under clinical depression )

The reason ,my friends, for the lack of general happiness is , as in most cases of Herpes, denial of the true nature of the problem,leading to wrong diagnosis and wrong treatment. Let me elaborate.

We work on ourselves on the basic premise that the big guy we call God ,intended us to be happy and wanted the world to a bright sunny Disney-ish place. We have got this gift of life and it should be celebrated. We believe god to be a beneficent Grandpa who is there to reward you for being good.We are conditioned to believe that being happy is the default setting of the human mind and the lack of joy indicates a software bug.Lets get together and make the world the beautiful place that God meant it to be. All crap.

Let us now face the naked reality..Life is a disease with a 100% mortality rate , God has a weird sense of humor which is indicated by the fact that, for fun, he routinely sends buses full of pilgrims down into ravines..and finally according to Murphy's 8th law..mother nature is a bitch. The reality is that you are screwed anyway..in fact you have been screwed ever since you emerged all bloody and wet into this world and the first thing that happened to you was that your bums were slapped while you were hanging upside down. Let us first accept the big soup we are in .The truth is that the God's creations were not meant to be happy..well ,with the possible exceptions of penguins. Happiness is a scarce by-product of the Big Bang.Thus, we have identified the true nature of the problem. 

So happiness is NOT a normal state ,just like being drunk isn't. Its an aberration.You have to attain it, not due divine kindness, but despite it..period. Getting drunk takes an effort and so does attaining happiness.

Now that we have accepted the problem lets work on the treatment.

Be good. Live a model life , do not give in to temptations and always listen to your inner voice. Bullshit.

Look at any soap opera, those who are good ,cry in every episode and the vamps revel. Be yourself.
Most of us live our lives as if we are in an episode of Big Brother, trying to be model persons even when alone. Come on guyz..good chaps do not win realty shows anymore. Be what you are..selfish..bitchy..and jealous..and enjoy it. Give in to temptations, at least where there is little chance of being caught. Been there done that. And forget about the inner voice.Its probably gas .

Spread happiness around you. This will bring more happiness to you. Smiling faces and cheerful atmosphere that you create for others , will in fact, make you happier. Crap again.

Smiling faces ,after a few seconds are irritating . Many a husbands have found out to their peril that being cheerful when your wife is on PMS, does make someone happy..and that someone is the doctor who sews your wounds up. Happiness like energy or matter follows the Universal Law of Conservation. The sum total of happiness in the universe is constant. Happiness cannot be created or destroyed. So, stop trying to create happiness for others.In fact , as it cannot be created, any act of making others happy will diminish your own stock. So do it only for people you really really care about. And the easiest way to replenish your stock is to annoy people you don't like. So annoy and irritate people more often.Always say your thing..and the more annoying it is..the better. And refuse to grant the favor back by getting annoyed by their counter attack..it annoys them more.Be a predator in the happiness food chain.

And when you finally attain a respectable stock of happiness, your reactions should be subdued, you should not go overboard in your happiness. Happiness should be held close to heart and chewed slowly. Again trash.

Happiness, as i have preached above, follows the Universal Laws. It cant be created or destroyed. But the same law also says it can change form and state. So, just like matter can change from solid to gas, happiness if kept unutilized for long will turn into gas and escape. So if you have reasons to be happy..go berserk..shout from the rooftops..do cartwheels. Remember a bottle of good wine , if drunk ,makes a person very happy, but if kept for long ,it turns into vineger and makes onions happy. You are not an onion, you are a person.

So fellow apes, i hope you got the point. Good for you if this gave you an insight in the crooked nature of the Universe , God and hamburgers. And if this piece annoyed you, even better.

So long, keep swinging ....from the tree of life.

Preaching monkey will be back.


  1. Nice post Preaching Monkey....
    BTW, I believed...that happiness is Good Health and bad Memory.
    Waiting for you to be back

    1. thanx manav..Preaching monkey says that happiness is also a lots of beer with old friends...it may not give you good health but it will give you bad memory for sure...and The Preaching Monkey says one outta two is not all that bad.. :)

  2. Preaching Monkey. .. so are sure now that babies are not dropped off by storchs? :)

    1. yeah the Preaching Monkey has educated himself in the delicate matters of birds and bees and is sure of that now...but still believes in the Tooth Fairy though...

  3. I love the PM picture...truly super. It says.....Sadhu vastra color, hands up in the air for preaching position....(as delivering sermon)..dark tail...and one foot forward....:) Needless to mention its "framed".

    1. the Preaching Monkey also wants you look at his....which are closed..in trance .....