Thursday, March 7, 2013

The Great Game....and no it ain't cricket.

Greetings my fellow cynical , semi evolved byproducts of the Big Bang...

The Preaching Monkey is confident that The Carpet Bomb method will go a long way in solving the problems of your sorry, uninteresting,hopeless and pointless existence. Those unfortunate souls, who have no idea what is being talked about here, can refer to the last post on this blog.."A case for a bombed out logic...".

The Preaching Monkey feels that it is his revolutionary or, in fact ,devolutionary duty to educate, from time time, the delusion afflicted and Darwin loving masses about the evils of evolution. The evolution, a conspiracy   of celestial proportions , designed to keep us apes occupied in the constant struggle to be the fittest species and in a constant race to be the first one to tweet about what you ate for your breakfast.

In the days, alas, long gone by...needs were few. Hunger pangs ??...well.. give your long arm some exercise.and pluck the nearest juicy fruit...or if you are up to it..stand up..holler..hammer your chest with your fists ..and snatch that ripe banana right off that nerdy looking ape cowering on the adjacent branch...simple.

Transportation polluting ,expensive gas guzzling...mine is more shiny and bigger than Everyone had high environmental EQ and traveled by public transport...i mean all those branches and vines so kindly and thoughtfully provided by Mother Nature, swinging from tree to tree That beats getting stuck in traffic jams and inhaling lung perforating fumes any day..hands down.

There was no courts..and the best of lawyers. Disputes were settled quickly , economically and the winner got to wear jewelry fashioned from the loser's bones.

It was a perfect society...the kind which would give Marx an instant intellectual orgasm.Nobody owned anything.. everyone had accommodation .caves in winters..and good ol' trees in summer. Everybody wore the same..IF they wore anything...(cave paintings indicate the fashion remaining constant for around half a million years..animal fact Nike tagline then was.."kill it..wear it". ).

Simple days...simple pleasures...

All good things must come to end...and they did. As The Preaching Monkey lamented earlier, evolution brought with it  another spoiler....civilization. Among other evils...civilization brought commerce. It started with simple barter...hey dude i like your state of the art , designer..monogrammed stone ax why don't you exchange it for this mammoth bone i have been munching on for a few weeks.

Trade led to a bigger evil......Money.

Money eliminated the need of the participants in the trading game to have simultaneous and matching wants.You have a good ,nice, juicy shoulder cut of a water buffalo,which i want..but you don't want the bear skins that i problems..with the advent of money,we can still do business.This value storing function of money made large scale commerce possible.

Trade and commerce...started to dispose off the surplus and make good the shortage...moved from being a tool for obtaining necessities to being, at first , an occupation...then a mutually beneficial arrangement with the other big evil..The State....both feeding and nurturing each other. Then the trade became a cardinal objective of the State.The primary function of the State became promotion and safeguarding of trade and commerce.( East India Company...rings a bell...does it ?).

Suddenly the State existed for trade...and its horizons expanded beyond the search of El Dorado. The quest for Gold..Glory..and that order. Poor God was involved because the Church was itself a super State.It held enormous resources and also provided a spiritual fig leaf to the otherwise conscienceless gold diggers.The Trade in turn found new heathen filled fields for the church to cultivate...and the church was not allergic to Gold either. So third primal evil got involved  ...  Religion.

As the mercantile period progressed, the state got a little insecure about the long distance relationship with Trade ( unfortunately Facebook..Whatsapp..or even something as primitive and ancient as Orkut didn't exist then ). The State,like many a abandoned leading ladies in Bollywood NRI dramas, decided to follow its soul-mate , the distant lands of plenty...and soon their illegitimate offspring..The Colonialism was born.

The many children of unacknowledged fatherhood, was a troublesome child. He wanted more and more. He wanted, above all, parental acceptance.To this end, he set about his task with a maniacal dedication. His parents wanted gold and land...and he would con,dupe, snatch,scratch , fight and kill for feeding their hunger. He was successful, but this zeal of his brought him into conflict with those wretched souls who were at the receiving end. They reacted violently. Colonialism was on the back foot .worried..having a sleepless night. Suddenly he felt warm but strong hands on his shoulders. He turned around to see the smiling faces of his parents....smiling indulgent parents.

They both spoke together, in one voice, " son, we have been watching you..our hearts swelling with pride. We know about your problems with the natives. Don't worry, we have been preparing for this day. The gold you sent home brought about the Industrial Revolution...keeps the hungry peasants back home busy, and it has allowed us to feed and strengthen your younger brother..The Militarism. He now has new toys..gun powder and canons and breach loading rifles. Time has come for us all to get together , formally , and be a happy little family". Colonialism saw Religion standing in a corner ,with his golden monk's robes on and silently blessing the happy family. Colonialism cried tears of joy.

So the newly united happy family , went about its business of extracting wealth from the once free and prosperous lands. The Militarism grew up to be a fine,though a slightly hot headed ,young man. Industrial revolution too progressed and brought about new toys for which could kill on an industrial scale.The clan grew and soon they were everywhere..Asia,Africa..Caribbean ,the Artics...and a new branch of the family the New World.

Soon ,the happy times were again threatened, this time by  their jealous neighbors . The Mercantile family was again under siege,by the twins..Fascism and Communism. Both Identical in looks ,speech and behavior. They both wanted all that was to be had..and while Fascism was unapologetic about it, Communism felt the need to disguise his raw hunger in the garb of some fancy social theories.

Fascism made the first move. He started threatening the interests of the old established Mercantile clan. Such behavior from an upstart was not appreciated and the war to end all wars started. Communism was a fence sitter..enjoying the fight from the stands. He was happy to see his potential rivals sparring and getting bloody.
Fascism was a good fighter..who got many punches across as the bout started..but the bout was not turning into a quick knock out as he had been expecting.He too got a bloody nose. Then he saw his brother Communism giggling in the stands.

Fascism ,already frustrated by the tough fight...lost his cool..and his judgement..and attacked Communism viciously. Communism, initially shocked, joined the fight .

Fascism was badly beaten...never to stand up again. Mercantiles too lost a lot of blood , never to regain their former glory and strength.

The new kid on the block was a Texan boot wearing, Bourbon sipping guy who spoke with a drawl. America , a distant cousin of the Mercantiles ,popularly know as Uncle Sam. Now he was a smart guy. Came with a different business model. Colonialism was dead..but Militarism  was not. So America adopted this poor  orphaned boy and loved him like no one had loved him before

. Uncle Sam took over the family business.He had a slightly different business model from that of the Old Family. The" occupy your clients country and make it a colony " model was passe'. The overheads were too high. The new model was" sell weapons to your clients and use that money to buy cheap oil" model.The new model was self sustaining. The clients produced oil and other resources..which were bought by Uncle Sam. Then the shrewd uncle sold them arms and fighters and Stinger missiles.this brought back the money..with profits..kept the clients involved in their little wars..and under the delusion that they are indulging in trade on an equal footing.

Communism,who survived more or less intact , was feeling left out . Though he was competing well in the race to destroy the planet,many times over, he was behind in the contest of global influence and domination.
Not learning from history, he chose to follow the old business model of the mercantile family..and chose to occupy the lands of a particularly hot headed customer.

Uncle Sam, saw the writing on the wall...(it was in Arabic , but Sam being Sam , drew his own interpretations ) . He felt threatened by the growing influence of his rival. so, he did what was to be done, and brought that old wily rascal out of retirement...Religion. Along with this trump card, Sam made sure that Communism bled ...and bled from a thousand cuts. Communism went back on his knees.and rolled over and died soon...

Mission Accomplished..

Well, not exactly . Religion had proved to be a very able and a successful motivator and leader in this conflict. He had created around him ,an army of cranks and lunatics...of delusional soldiers of fortune high on the supposedly spiritual opium..and looking forward to have a rather nice time with 72 virgins. When Uncle Sam ordered Religion to go back to his Old Age Home...he laughed maniacally ...and asked Sam to take a hike. He had his own little plans. Old fashioned ,as he was, he again chose the occupation model , but with a twist..instead of choosing the heavy , slow moving Militarism..he chose the mean ,lean and fanatical...Terrorism.

Uncle Sam was furious.He started to plan a strategy to oust his old ally..but before he could do anything..Terrorism struck and gave him a deep wound..and vanished back  into his cave.

Sam gave hot pursuit...and soon found himself entangled in the old mercantile business model of occupation  and its consequences. Now it was his turn to be bled. He found it difficult to hold on and even more difficult to let go.

And thus the cycle was completed...

Then , there arose another player in the Great Game...a former client nation from the east. Their business model was "buy nothing..but flood others with cheap stuff". Along with this they also  followed the American model of selling arms....They had also assumed the Communist brand...(intellectual property rights in China leave a lot to be desired ) ..only the brand...much like Apple Inc which. has nothing to do with fruits.

The Oriental player started its innings...

The Great Game and the Great Commercial Pursuit continued...

See what evolution got us into.......

The Preaching Monkey strongly suggests two 500 mg tablets of Crocin ...that if you are not planning to lubricate the dehydrated circuits of your brain with alcohol .

...and as The Terminator famously said..I will be back...


  1. Kudos ! This one is truly brilliant !!

  2. The sequencing of inventions went awry. Just imagine if they had invented the refrigerator before money. The barter system could probably have stayed on. You could have then given a leg of chicken for a negotiated quantity of apples and put the rest of the apples and the chickens in the refrigerator